“Come in !!!!” came a faint voice from inside after 8 seconds of door banging. Sameer barged into the room.
“Where’s Simran?” He chose to acknowledge Divya’s presence in the room since he thought she might give a clue that could help him find her.
“Shouldn’t that be my question!!! If YOU are here looking for her then where the hell is she!!!”
With the end of graduation round the corner, Sameer wanted to stretch time to the maximum to be with his friend. The only activities for which Sameer and Simran occupied their respective rooms of their co-ed hostel were either to retire to bed or to take a shower. Simran was probably the only person who Sameer got close to since the past one decade. The divorce of his parents had left an ineffaceable impression on his mind regarding all relationships being superficial and money being the only entity that brought people together. After his parents parted ways, his father took the responsibility of the child. Even though his father attempted to balance work schedules with his love for his son, there was a missing link that kept Sameer away from him. Sameer felt that he was provided with all the material pleasures he could ask for but never received the emotional support from his parent.
The relationship he shared with Simran surpassed rational reasoning. It was the innocence and simplicity of Simran that attracted him to her despite his apprehension of getting hurt. It was too early to conclude though, that he had any romantic attachment with her. Simran was probably the only bond between his father and him, that too because she insisted on an introduction with an intention to rebuild the bond between the two. Sameer found it difficult to refuse to whatever she asked for. He didn’t even question her for her intentions, for the reasons behind her actions went far beyond his comprehension.
“A girl and a guy can never be just friends!” Simran’s parents used to say. She had to fight her way through to get admission into the coveted university where the only concern of her conservative parents was a common hostel for the girls and boys. She liked Sameer for the possessive yet selfless attitude he displayed for the people he cared for.
“I had asked her to meet me at 10 at the Chimney Food Joint… I was just 5 minutes late… it’s been two hours and I’ve no clue where she’s disappeared. I looked for her everywhere… she’s nowhere to be found… she’s not reachable on her mobile either!!... ” Divya calmed him down and told probably he should pick his bike and look for her somewhere outside the campus.
With not many options in front, so he chose to act upon the suggestion. He rushed towards his room to pick the keys of his bike. He banged the door open and his face turned to stone when he saw Simran with his father in the room. His expressionless eyes met those of his father, who stood five feet away from him. Seconds later his face changed colour and he hugged his father without saying a word. Simran stood there watching them not knowing whether to cry or smile. “Thanks Simran” Sameer said, still in his dad’s arms “This is the best graduation present I could’ve got.”
up until the last paragraph i thought there was going to be a part II to the story.
ReplyDeletei really like the way you write. perhaps longer stories. just a suggestion.
two thumbs up!
Thanks Siddharth :) I feel it's a challenge to give maximum details in a compressed form and short stories are easier to read especially in a blog.. and doesn't bore the reader :P I will try my hand at writing longer stories though... I'll be more than happy to take up more suggestions :)
ReplyDeleteI don't know if I should flatter you or behave like a critic, but since you are my friend so I will talk a spade a spade.
ReplyDeleteThis story is good (shorter one), but such types of divorce-reunion stories we find in every other book, so content was very old concept but yes the choice of words are well-managed,eg, "He didn’t even question her for her intentions, for the reasons behind her actions went far beyond his comprehension."
Fiction is good but a reader is a very rude guy always if he does not find something different then he loses the interest in any creative thing, whether painting, poetry,movie,novel etc.
Let us say Chetan Bhagat, Is he a literay genius,,no he is not but he has given the Indian youth something which no one had given in such a simple manner with the humour alongwith bit of drama and sex.
Aditi, I don't have any right to say as I myself dont have a very good english, I have been a Hindi person which you know as well but still you can improve in this newness part.
Now, leg-pulling over......what I like was your thought, the content was the mirror of your internal thoughts, you are a family-girl, papa's daughter and sentimental and emotional too. So, I liked this thing that you are still the same Aditi (of course some positive change would be there).
I'll simply conclude----Move ahead, achha likhti ho; tumne jo socha bilkul waisa hi likha :)
Appreciate the effort you took to give me a critical feedback that can help me improve :) M working right now on creating drama out of cliched situations.. I shall keep the new situations reserved for longer stories that cannot be put into a blog mainly because they'd need a lot of description and hence would be too long for a blog.
ReplyDeletenice little story aditi... quality of narration and the restlessness from sameer are nicely portrayed...
ReplyDeletegreat work.. yet again!!! keep writing!!
just one thought.. You could have made the last paragraph a bit more emotional as the build up to it is very nice..
overall, a very nice work!!!